Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas

Hello there all, and a very happy Christmas to you. In the spirit of the season I hope that you will accept this silly offering in the spirit it is intended.  Feel free to groan , moan, smile or perhaps even laugh a little bit.  And so , without further bullshit I give you Winter covered land,  sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”……….sorry!

On the roads ice is glistening,

Defeating the lorries gritting

I’m sitting inside

My new tires untried

Hiding from the winter covered land.

 

There’s a tree in the corner

And the fire’s getting warmer

A whiskey in glass

Sitting on my ass

Hiding from the winter covered land

 

In the morning the in-laws will be coming

So I guess I’ll have to walk right into town

The barman asks “you happy?” I say “ no man”

Happens every time that they’re in town.

 

Later on after beers

The in-laws are just dears

A pint in hand

Having trouble to stand

Hiding from the winter covered land

 

Christmas day is dawning

Outside the snow keeps falling

My bikes in the shed

I’ve got a thick head

Hiding from the winter covered land

I wonder if Santa will bring me one of these?

 And if that wasn’t bad enough here is one not so terrible Christmas joke for you.

 A man calls his mother in-law the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your daughter and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

" What are you talking about?" the mother in-law screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the husband says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so if you want to talk to someone about it call my parents and talk to them”

Franticly, the mother in law calls the husbands mother, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls her son in a panic, and sternly tells him “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling your mum in-law back, and we'll all be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The husband hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

And just to finish off, some really bad favorites from last year’s Christmas Crackers

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!

What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?
It would go to a re-tail shop for a new one!

Why is Father Christmas always wet?
Because he uses rain-deer!


Which of Santa's reindeer has bad manners?
Rude-olph!

Off to the in-laws, have fun!

 Once again, sorry….and Happy Christmas to you all

Stay safe,

Ratso

 

 

Leave a comment