No thank you Santa

No thank you Santa

First things first, my exhaust has arrived, and only a week late!  I suppose I should really applaud DHL, after all who could manage what they have done in the past week?  They managed to have my exhaust in an accident, then confiscated by the police, then it was lost… no sorry, “unable to be located”, then it was sent back to Italy, then it could not be located again, then it was delivered to me, then not locatable again, then sent back to Italy and then officially lost. Then the very next day it was delivered to me, by another carrier. Seriously if I saw that written on the internet normally I would not believe it but I promise what I have said is true!

Anyway, enough of that, Christmas is coming and there is a list I want to start to write. No not that one, I have already started that, this is a list of presents I don’t want and I am going to start with this :

A Predator crash helmet a steal at $650!  I can think of loads of things better to spend money on than that if you want to buy me a present, $650 of gummy bears for a start! Honestly one of full face crash helmets best kept secrets is that it allows all the desirable women or men who look at us to dream that we are Brad Pitt or Megan Fox. (Sorry, I am having a Megan Fox moment).  For those brief moments as we ride by we get long lingering looks from the beautiful people. This crash helmet would turn you from the stuff of dreams into a plonker on a motorbike, no thank you Santa!

Next up, one of those silly hover board contraptions.  For a start it is not a hover board, and secondly, I already have transportation with two wheels and what’s more it is faster, cooler and the wheels are in the right place unlike these evolved skateboards.  It also might be worth, before buying the biker in your life one of these, remembering that we already have vast scope for obtaining broken bones and concussions and we don’t really need any more thank you!

I love my T-shirts, just ask anyone, I have a huge collection of tasteful and not so tasteful ones but really, please do not buy me a T-shirt with “If you can read this the Bitch fell off” written on it. A, it doesn’t make sense because I won’t be riding my bike in just a t-shirt and B, no lass I want to take on the back would let me call her a bitch!  I suppose if someone did get me one it wouldn’t be the end of the world, at least I would have a nice new clean rag.

And no I don’t want a sew on patch that says “ If you aren’t a biker you aren’t shit” because if you do happen to come across someone with the balls to call you out, and they can read correctly, they might point out that  what you are wearing actually means that if you do ride a bike you are!

And on that I am off to stare lovingly at my new exhaust,

Stay safe


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