Sometimes you get days that start like this....

Sometimes you get days that start like this....

As you know, if you have been reading this blog for any length of time, some things get me angry.  My better half is always telling me to calm down after some idiot has tried to kill me, and you know what, that makes me angrier….although maybe she knows that and is using psychology to psychopathic monster?..Perhaps she wants to get me arrested and thrown in prison so she can live a quiet life? Hmm, damn clever that woman!

Of course what I should do is be a calm sea of tranquility, graciously ignoring the people that piss me off and instead focusing on controlling the mechanical marvel that I am riding. This is all good and I would recommend it to anyone, but it is always easier to say than to do, especially if there is no living being that you can vent your rage on, even in a passive aggressive way.

Sometimes this all starts before you have even left home, waking up and finding it is raining is definitely a good way to start because:

  1. You have to put on your waterproofs
  2. It is raining
  3. You have to put on your waterproofs

100% waterproof, total bargain!

Knowing you are going to have to put on your waterproofs is nearly as bad as wearing them, but not as bad as actually putting them on and that feeling of knowing that in a few short minutes you are going to be struggling to get into them.  There is that certain knowledge that you will remember that you have left your keys in your jeans pocket, but only after you have put all your kit on, and, for one time in history got that perfect seal between gloves and waterproofs.  

Then comes the actual physical experience of putting them on, the claustrophobic feeling that you get struggling to get the full body condom over your leathers. I am sure that nobody told you that being a motorcyclist meant you had to be able to dislocate your shoulders just to get dressed. 

Evolution at work

After doing this all twice, because of the keys in the jeans pocket, you are ready to get on your pride and joy.  Maybe it is when you casually walk towards it, or maybe you get as far as throwing your leg over it, but whichever it is, you are, at some point, going to realize that there is an itch. It could be in the small of your back, between the shoulder blades or possibly an armpit but wherever it is, it is going to annoy you unless you do something about it. 

Now, there are two options, take everything off and have a good scratch and then put it all on again, or the second option.

You should see the state of the wall!

So the second option it is:  You find a wall and attempt to cure the itch by throwing yourself at it, rubbing yourself on it or finding and edge and using it as a scratching post.  Whatever your preferred solution there is only one outcome; your waterproofs are ruined. Of course this no longer matters because in the time it has taken you to get them on twice and to try and cure the itch…which of course still itches, the rain has stopped. You can now take off what is left of them and throw them in the bin. 

Never one to leave you on a downer like that I will point out that there is an upside to all this stress. On your way to wherever it is you are going to, it will start raining again and so you now have a perfectly valid excuse to visit the local bar to keep dry until it stops….

Stay safe

Ratso

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