One of the great things about being a biker is you don’t really have to worry about fashion faux pas. You wear the same thing all the time because it is there to save your skin, it is not a fashion statement….. well that is what you would think isn’t it?
Unfortunately real life is rarely so simple and it turns out it is all too easy to blunder into the area of sideways looks and stifled laughter. Of course if it was only that it might be easier just to join in the laughter, but what we wear can also be all that stands between us and a long session of ouch. This in mind, I have started to put together a little guide of fashion blunders that we bikers can commit, I am sure you can think of some more.
Crash helmets are there for one thing and one thing only and that is not to hide you from the jealous looks of car drivers. They are there to protect your soft grey squishy bit from whatever is trying to liberate it. They are designed and built with great care to optimize safety and comfort, so why on earth do some people insist on sticking sharks fins, Mohawks, ears, tails etc. all over them? OK it was funny the first time I saw it and I might have smiled the second time but the third time I started to think about what effect these things might have on a crash helmets ability to save you? A crash helmet is designed a certain shape with a certain structure and a certain finish so that it can stand a fighting chance of looking after you. If you start adding bits to it and altering those things you are altering its characteristics and I don’t think that is such a good idea. Obviously it is not going to slide as well if glue is involved and I read on some sites that they recommend bolting things on for a more permanent solution! Is it worth risking your life a little more just to look like a squid?
Talking of squids, it is not a fashion failure so to speak, but who on earth wears shorts and a T-shirt on a bike? Gravel rash, road rash call it what you will, everyone knows about it and everyone knows how to avoid the worst of it. I can only assume those idiots I see riding in shorts and a t-shirt have never fallen off or they are super heroes with skin as tough as steel or they are an idiot!
However, it is not just road rash you have to watch out for; I mentioned bees and wasps in a previous post, how about hitting a Hornet in a thin t-shirt? That is certainly not my idea of pleasurable and then there is all the other general crap that gets thrown up onto you. Sorry, riding in a t-shirt or other non riding gear is definitely not cool.
What is right about this photo?
Smoking on a bike, you might think it looks good but you try going anything above 20mph and see how cool you are. The cigarette or cigar burns down really quick thanks to the air flow and all that burning tobacco has to go somewhere and that somewhere is right into your face. Not so cool when you are wobbling down the road trying to get a burning ember out of your eye are you?
And another thing, Sons of Anarchy patches….no, no, no, no, no and maybe no. Really it is a TV series, it is fiction, and you should thank your lucky stars for that because if it wasn’t the nicest thing any proper patch club would do is to take your jacket off you.....and they might just do that anyway if they are in that sort of mood. For them that back patch is a matter of pride and honor and if you are posing around wearing one from a TV series thinking you are oh so cool then really you deserve everything that is coming to you….safety on bike isn’t just about gravel rash!
I am sure there are loads more of these fashion non starters…and just as soon as I think of them I will post about them, until then buy a cool key tag and impress your friends with that!